Day 2 into the doom months and I think maybe I'm actually okay with that. Weird feeling I'm having but it'll be over soon. The other night while fighting insomnia I tried to recall how I spent each day since the holidays started. A good 20 or so days, which includes all those extra lessons in school. And yes 31 more school days to Prelims - I will focus I will focus I will focus. Somebody tell me that hard work pays - I feel reduced to a rock whenever I attempt to study. I wish I was smart ha ha ha.

Oh, and for a while today I felt as if everything was fine then BAM no. I wonder where everyone is and why is it that with each passing day I feel more and more distant from all my friends. And last night I suddenly had that rush of emotions again, wishing that day at Starbucks wasn't real, but who am I to kid? I guess I feel sad because I actually enjoy the company of some people but I know that we will only be acquainted for the time being and that maybe in a couple of months to come most of these people would just be in my memory and I'm left to wonder in my own thoughts on how they are doing and for sure time and distance will blur what is familiar and replacing it with a foreign barricade. I am also wondering whether is it possible to send your future self a letter, or an email? I want to do that. Because I want to warn myself not to become what I see so commonly — stressed up naggy adults who work to live and live to work. I'm so afraid of becoming that.  Stress at its best.

For now I am me, and that is more than I should think.


















and this blank space is needed to insert anymore thoughts that i refuse to type it out because i know that it is not gonna do any good to myself. Guten Nacht. Ich sollte aufhören in Selbstmitleid suhlen.