I feel like a helpless piece of shit right now, people I know are feeling fucked up and yet I can’t do anything to help, as usual. I don’t know how to show I care without feeling awkward, and I don’t understand people in spite of how long I’ve known them, and I don’t know how I’m supposed to make someone feel better, and I know I’ve said this before but I’ll say it again, I don’t really wish to waste time trying to figure out what’s going on in everyone's lives because I really have no right to know, or I just feel that I have no right to know because I don’t wish to seem like a stalker or a busybody and that’s why I try my best not to interfere with my friends' affairs unless they tell me of their own accord. But it’s not as if anyone can read my mind (and it’s not as if they will see this) and I’m not trying to make myself sound like some noble super hero or anything. I’m just trying to console myself and perhaps deceive myself into thinking yes its fine if I don’t know anything, if I just act indifferent until someone talks to me, if I just live each day as it comes without bothering so much about stuff. and it is terribly unpleasant that so many fucked up things are happening on what should be my favourite week of the year and it is a week when I AND EVERYONE ELSE I KNOW SHOULD BE THE FUCKING HAPPIEST PEOPLE ON THIS FUCKING PLANET, BUT NOOOO THINGS DONT FUCKING HAPPEN THAT WAY EVER and it’s not like I can control stuff and it’s not like anyone's to blame. Maybe there are people to blame but I can’t be bothered to find out.

If only you could understand what I’m going through, if only you could understand my rationale for doing whatever I’m doing, if only you could tell me what I’m doing right and what I’m doing wrong and tell me what I should do, but I know, of course you're just a blog, a non-living thing that can’t talk, can’t feel, cant think, and obviously can’t be understood, but then again even you are more easy to understand than a typical 16 year old.